I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
