and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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