omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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