I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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