So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just sent this text using only my big toe
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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