she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
