On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My liver is preforming stress tests.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize