:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize