I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
