so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize