I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
