Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
