I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
