He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Do vagina's smell?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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