oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
