My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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