Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
