he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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