I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
