He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
