Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
