don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
