she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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