So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
