can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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