i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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