when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
