Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize