Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
