I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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