i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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