Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
