So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
