I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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