these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
it was like eating out sand paper
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
