girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
