The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
When did angry sex become our thing?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
