If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
