his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
