I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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