and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
