Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
