mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
