I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
