How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
