you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I have post one night stand depression
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
