so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize