she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
