I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
you made out with another girl for some wings
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
