No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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