We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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