I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
