so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
