yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize