Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
