So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
