I can text with my tongue
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
