Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
