i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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