Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
