If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
