So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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