"it" just moved
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
