Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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