i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
