Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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